My Pensieve

Finally...30 years later
I finally get to finish watching a movie I started watching 30 years ago. When I was in college in 1978 I sat down on a Sat or Sun afternoon to kill time before I had to go to work. At that time, rich people had cable, the rest of us had rabbit ear attennae.

Anyhow, I started watching this old movie set in New York or some big city during WWII. It was a romance, very sad movie, but very good. Anyway, time came for me to go to work and I always figured the movie would come on again so I could finish it. (Remember no VCRs back then) Well, I never did find it again. Not on TV, not on video or on dvd. Believe me, I have been looking ever since.

This week I was playing around on the computer and I found a site about WWII, with a search engine to look up movies about WWII. Well, I didn't find it there, but it gave me the idea to look on IMDB and sure enough I found it. I then went to amazon and ordered it and am awaiting the arrival of a movie I have been waiting 30 years to see the end of. YIPPEE!!!!!

Current Mood: jubilant

Wii Fit
Well, I got it today. I stopped by Best Buy after I dropped Aaron off at work and there were a few people waiting so I stayed. It turns out the store now opens at 0900.

I wasn't sure about the setup but once done it is a hoot. I made my Mii and laughed my a** off. After I weighed myself in, my Mii plumped up, It was so damn funny. I guess I can see that some people would be offended, but why should my Mii be skinny when I'm not?

Anyhow, I'm having a good time. I just have a problem with some of the games because I can't quit laughing.

(Thanks to Aaron for what looks like a great Mothers Day gift.)

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Spirit in the sky

the rain in the park and other things...
Well, Lauren's graduation is over and I feel like a giant burden is off my shoulders. I didn't realize how stressed I was over the whole thing. I'm sad that she isn't in Flag anymore and I hope she is having the time of her life on her island in Maine.

I didn't get to spend hardly any time at all with Matt, but I did get to see,him and hug him and he also got to spend time with his Dad, so all in all it was a good weekend.

Aaron and I are back to our work mode. I know I'll be here longer than I want to be, but that's ok. Aaron likes his job and he's making good money. Me too!

So now we wait.....

Current Mood: complacent

Getting on with life
I have felt like my life was on hold for a long time. I recognize that I continue to get older, but I never seem to be making forward motion, just 'treading water'. Well, in the last year I've been so very much better with saving money and making real plans to settle down, not just dreams.

Yesterday and today, Aaron and I spent in Flagstaff at storage. i've had that storage unit since 2001 and even though I've thought alot about cleaning it out with the eventual plan of moving somewhere permanent, it's always been on the backburner. Aaron and I made some great progress.

We only got through about 1/4 of the unit, but it's organized and you can walk straight in with plenty of space. We gave away 2 trunkloads of books and VHS tapes to Goodwill. Yes, Lauren, I'll replace any VHS with a DVD. And more importantly, we filled an entire dumpster with our crap that we moved. I was shocked that it came to that much with as little as we cleaned out.

Well, we're both very tired but also very happy with our progress. Now I figure 3 more one day trips and we'll be done. Now, we just need to plan a garage sale.

Current Mood: tired

Time off
It's always good to have a day or two off, even better when you have a few good things happen. Today was the release of 'casino royale' YEAH!!!! Monday, Lauren and I went to the Grand Canyon and just walked around for awhile. I'm sore, but it was so worth it. Great views, condors and time to catch up with Lauren. Then today Aaron got a job. He's happy and pumped. I'm just happy for him. Well, back to work tomorrow.

Current Mood: sleepy

Odd work relations
Well, it had to happen. I've been at this job 7 months and haven't once counted how long I have left, until last night. This hospital has instigated a new policy. No one, core staff and travel, can request special days off unless they actually take paid time off. In the 14 years I've been nursing. (Oh my God, has it been that long) I've never worked a hospital with this kind of policy. Anyway, as I thought about it and got more and more frustrated I sat down to count how many weeks left. This hospital is probably a record. It was going fine until then.

In more work related news, I heard from a nurse that works in Show Low and she got a new job, in PA. She's their senior L&D nurse on nights. I know they'll be hurting. I wish I cound afford a home there. I'd take a position in a heartbeat. Well, maybe just a summer position if they offer a bonus. Aaron said he'd put up with it for a few months.

Speaking of Aaron, he has a lead on a few jobs and has been putting in applications, so if he actually gets one. Moving to Show Low is out. I want to give him a chance to work.

I have a new mouse, and it works!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so very happy.

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Kenny Loggins

Oscar time!
I had a really fun nite. AMC offered all 5 best picture noms for $30 plus unlimited popcorn and soda. I was tired when I first got there and people generally suck. A number of people had seats saved and no one ever occupied them. Well, it turned out ok. I got a seat up front by one of the wheelchair spots with no one else around. Turned out very comfy.

Anyway, I enjoyed all 5 pictures and I think this is one year where all 5 are worth the nomination. The only one I don't think should win is 'The Queen'. My favorite was 'The Departed', but either 'Letters From Iwo Jima' or 'Babel' would be really good.

Fun times. Oh yeah, I even answered a trivia question right and got a round of applause. The other trivia questions were answered by 'groups'. Would recommend the same next year.

Current Mood: giddy

Looking for a home
I showed Aaron pictures of the houses I've been looking at. I was worried that he might not have a real good idea of what I can afford. Anyhow, he really liked what I showed him. My anxiety level is REALLY high. I know those houses won't be on the market when I'm ready, just looking for now.

Spoke with Matt today, he's doing so well, and I'm so proud of him. I'm happy he's happy.

I'm at work right now. Should go work!

Current Mood: tired

Insomnia
Never missed work before because of it, but last night was the first time. I tried self-medicating, but to no evail. I spoke to Lauren after I called in, apparently I wasn't very nice. The only part I remember was her telling me to go take Benadryl. (Didn't mean to be mean). Anyway, called her back and took her advice. I slept for 2-3 hours on the couch. Doesn't sound like much, but better than no sleep. Anyway, will try to sleep again around 6:00.

Current Mood: worried
Current Music: thunderstorm

Christmas 2006
I guess I'll go in reverse. The food was really good this year. I probably enjoyed this meal better than I have in many years past. The food took longer to prepare, but it was totally worth it. This year I fixed a torte with mushrooms & wild rice. The ham was good too. I'm glad I have my vegetarian and my meat eaters, best of both worlds.

Presents were great. I got a Sega Genesis game that you plug right into the tv. I need batteries, then I can try it out. That I got from Matt. Lauren gave me this book on myths by various indigenous American cultures. I've only just started it and it is going to be an awesome book and she also gave me the move 'the Libertine' with Johnny Depp. Yum! Enough said.

It was important to me that we got to spend a few days together, the four of us. I don't know when we'll be able to do this again. I suspect that next year Aaron will be with me, Matt will spend the holidays with Keith and Lauren will either be off birding with friends or skiing. So these memories mean alot.

Looking forward to '07.

(Only, Lauren just left and Matt's packing.)

Current Mood: distressed

'As good as the first time'
I just finished watching Wonderfalls again. I can't believe it made me cry, AGAIN. After the 2nd time through I'm even more convinced that it was a good thing to wrap everything up nicely in one season. I think the whole concept might get tiresome in the second season. Plus, they'd have to make Jaye and Eric fight and maybe break up. Not something I'd want to cry through again. Okay, selfish of me. I'll just watch season 1 again... and cry.

Current Mood: mellow
Current Music: wonderfalls theme

Mmmm good.... homemade bread
This is so wierd. Lauren made bread last week, I think it was. Anyway, we were talking about homemade bread from scratch and I talked about how good my mom's recipe was. Well, I found the recipe going through storage boxes. I now need to make this recipe. Yum!

Current Mood: good

North Rim...at last
You know how you can build something up in your mind? Well, for years I've wanted to go to the north rim of the Grand Canyon, convinced that it had something so special that I was missing out. Lauren and I ventured out there yesterday. I was so excited that I probably irritated the hell out of Lauren. We got to the canyon, with me pretty much ignoring everything else because I was so excited. We walked around the lodge and down the trail to find out that the view just isn't all that spectacular. In face, it isn't as spectacular as the south rim.

Well, we went hiking, which turned out to be really fantastic. The forest was beautiful and the views were worth the hike. I got a little nervous because we started kind of late and I was worried about being caught out there at night. I wasn't worried about Lauren, I knew she'd be fine, but I wasn't so sure my old body could do it.

We spent the night at a camp site that only Lauren could have found. She knows her way around a campsite. I'd still be out looking. I slept better than i ever have camping and we headed back the next morning after driving around the National Forest talking about her job last summer. We stopped for breakfast, yum, and made good time back to Flagstaff.

I managed to see a condor, turkey condor, raven condor, Kaibab squirrel and three-toed woodpeckers. Good trip.

Current Mood: satisfied

First time for everything
Well I got a job offer today. Let me back up. I called Nicole at 1:30 my time to tell her which hospitals I'd like to try. At 5:00 I had a job offer. Sound too good to be true? It is. The hospital is in Mesa. The woman I spoke to told me they are in a staffing crisis. She said she had 8 hour nights, 4 days a week. That only adds up to 32 hours. I told her that wasn't acceptable. She said, 'Well let me tell you about our unit'. Ok, not going to change MY mind. Then she went on to tell me they do 700 deliveries a month. (Same as Galveston) In Galveston, minimun staff on nights was 14, we managed with 13 a few times that were hell. The staffing here on nights is 9. I asked a few questions hoping that I could somehow see how they manage with that number but the answers I got were not only not safisfactory, they were scary. So I said no. Actually, I said I'd think about it, but I decided that its a definite no.

Hope the next one is better.

Current Mood: amused

recent comments
Okay, so here are a few fun and surprising comments from people at work from the recent week.

First, I was talking to myself when I realized I had forgotten to do something and my charge nurse looked over her shoulder and said, 'I finally get you, you don't lie.' Okay, okay we can all stop laughing now. What she meant was I don't headge at work, which is also not true, but it's funny she would think that. Anyway, I made her feel much better when I admitted that of course I do.

Even though I wouldn't even consider staying, I was asked to by Debbie, the supervisor of L&D. It's always nice to be asked. I was even nice when I turned her down. I just said I already had something. Okay, there we go, a lie.

Lastly, I got another ticket the other day. (Totally my fault, but this time the cop was so very nice. No lecture, just please don't do that.) I was almost late for work, and when I got there the day nurse, Toni, who oriented me, asked if I would consider staying, and I said I couldn't afford it. I was laughing and told them I had just gotten another ticket. Then Toni said, 'You are possibly the most positive person I've ever worked with.' Okay, another laugh. When I questioned that, she just said that no matter what seems to be happening, I'm always smiling and laughing it off. (What she doesn't know is that I laugh right up to the point that I start crying.)

4 weeks left, then I take a week off to move Matt, then we'll see.

Current Mood: bouncy

A Tribute
A very sad passing to deal with. My favorite uncle, Uncle Clifford, died this morning. I can deal with the fact that I'm getting older, but to lose such a wonderful man is hard to bear. There were so many times in my life when I felt so out of touch with my family and he was always the one to stick up for me. No matter how old I get the memory of him saying, 'how you doing there blondie' with a tug on my hair, will make me feel special. I visited him last year at the nursing home where his disease had robbed him of himself and I lie to myself that there was a flicker of recognition when he smiled at me.

I'm mobile again
Tom-tom is almost fixed. I brought it out to a place everyone said was good and they called be back pretty quickly. They said they did find I need new O2 sensors, but the main problem was with my exhaust system and they couldn't fix it. So today I took it in and in 30 minutes it was fixed and so very much cheaper than I thought and feared. Tomorrow I'm taking it back to have the O2 sensors changed and then I'm going to go to all the local second hand stores and hope to find my skis. Next week I'll go visit Aaron and Matt, and start moving some of their stuff. (After next week I'll be more than half done with my contract!!!!)

Current Mood: giddy

outing
Well, I explored a little today. While looking at the map I had noticed there was a park not too far from my apartment so I went to check it out. It was only a kiddie park and I didn't get a whole lot of birds but it was better than sitting at home. I am rather impressed with Longview. The park actually takes up a nice chunk of property but it's wild and unreachable, so even though I'd love to get to the birds there, it's nice to know they have a santuary.

Current Mood: relaxed

Off to work
I don't cry easily at work, but yesterday I had good reason. In report, we had a 18 week loss, and the comment that floored me was, 'I don't know why this loss should bother her, what about the baby she aborted'. Can these people be any more callous? I guess I'm waiting for the 'gays should all die' and then I WILL walk out. Oh well, off to work.

Current Mood: disappointed

swimming upstream
Oh what a great time at work. I won't even start trying to talk to these people. Besides the gay bashing, liberal bashing (don't shop at Target, they support alot of liberal causes), and damn those environmentalist(I get alot of comments because I take my coke cans home to recycle), the Lord is watching how wonderful they are a 'mirror' of his love. Oh yeah, that's me throwing up.

Current Mood: nauseated

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